Monday, August 16, 2010

Sitting with My Head in a Paper Bag

So I’m sitting here thinking about what is coming up on Friday and I’m panicking. Literally, I’m getting nervous, short of breath. Hell, I’m going to start sweating and may need to put my head between my knees and scream until my lungs are empty. I’m panicking. I have 4 more days before I reach the big 2-7.

Okay, I know 27 isn’t typically one of those age numbers that people get worked up about, but for me it’s began to fill like this giant drop off point and there’s a big orange and white blockade with one of those incredibly bright orange rotating lights that is trying to warn me of something. Oh, that’s right. It’s warning me that my 20s are seeping away. It’s warning me that I’ve been out of college for 5 years (where the hell did that time go?) and I haven’t been to even half the places I was so eager to go and I’m standing here staring at a computer screen wondering what the hell I’m doing.

I always figured 26 would be the one that hit me in the gut. The one that said that I’m officially closer to 30 then to 21. The one that says I can’t just act like a dumb ass or screw up monumentally if I feel like it, because I’m an adult. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been fiscally responsible for myself since I was 18. Nope. Still didn’t feel like an adult then, just a teenage with a lot of life pressure and bills.

To squelch my panic-ridden-aging-self, I’m taking another step. In truth, 26 has been filled with lots of steps from giving the idea of having a life plan my middle finger to embracing my new desire to do something good for others and not only myself. But this one is a big one. I’m making my dreams and wants a priority. No more focusing on the what I should be doing. Should is over rated anyway.

I’m not selfish; I’m just living my life for me, for the enjoyment, pleasure and fulfillment of me. I’m embracing that mantra. I’m going to tattoo it on my forehead so that when I wake up every morning it’s in my face saying “Hey. Remember me? What you said you’re going to do with your life?” I’m stopping just being and getting back to living. Maybe I'll make a bucket list for my 20s. Who said it had to be for when you die?

What is your priority?

8 comments:

Amy said...

hello from the [Life of Meg] Mingle Monday.

I too am dreading 27. I also thought that 26 would be the age that I felt old. But now I feel like 26 was still closer to 25 and 27 is officially closer to 30. My solution, just surround myself by those who are older.

Happy Birthday.

Amy

Meg O. said...

Hey there! Following you from Mingle Monday! 27 isn't that bad. Sometimes you think to yourself "I am officially in my late twenties," but other than that, it doesn't feel any older than 26. You'll make it!! I promise!!!!!

{Amanda} said...

Great blog! Glad I found you! From Life of Meg :)

I turn 25 in November & MAN, is that a crazy thought! Twenty-five?! Oh boy! But just think about all the wonderful things that still lie ahead of us?! It's exciting!

Army Wife. European Life. Two Adopted Danes.
* http://donandamanda.blogspot.com *

kat said...

It's a different year for everyone. I haven't reached mine yet..but I bet it'll be 25 for me. I'm already starting to freak out a little while it approaches!

Elizabeth said...

Over here from Life of Meg...

I will be 26 in a few months, so I feel ya. I just freaked out the other day when I realized I was 4 years away from 30. I made myself feel better by realizing my sister was 2 years away.

Thats the privilege of being the younger sister...:)

-Elizabeth @ Permanently At Lunch

Jessica said...

@Elizabeth - Good point! I have a sister who is two years older too. Wow that made me feel much better.

Elizabeth said...

Haha, I do what I can! Taking down older sisters, one at a time:)

thoughtsappear said...

27 is nothing! I turned 29 a couple months ago, and that was scary. I ended up making a list of things to do before 30.

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