4 Days in....

I got the best email from my close friend, lady Jen, who some of you may remember from the Booze Bouncing story. She's saying goodbye to the cold and lonely life of Wyoming for a Key West. I'm so jealous excited for her (okay and for my new vaca spot).  Four days into their moving process I got the following recap so far, laughed so hard I choked a bit and decided I had to share...

"We've made it as far as Austin, Tx. Here's a little recap for your pleasure...
Day 1: Cleaned house and struggled fitting everything into one vehicle, spent too much time with family, made it to Limon at 4 in the morning. 
Day 2: Amarillo, TX for A's attempt at the 72 oz steak at the Big Texan. 38.9 oz left. 
Day 3: 1 hour south of Amarillo and the car needs a new water pump and fan clutch. 9 hours later, on the road again. 1 hour after that, cat poops, lays in it, and jumps to the front seat, smacking his poop-covered tail in A's face. 
Day 4: (early morning) Exhausted, find the first motel we see. Woken by "man screams" 1 1/2 hours later as A hops around the room, ripping off his shirt. Cockroach. In his shirt. Turn the lights on: Cockroaches on the tv, nightstand, headboard, mattress, wall, bathroom. Leave motel on a cockroach high, make it to Austin. Pay the money for a NICE motel. Ahhhh. Spend the day sleeping and visiting with TT. 
Day 5: At this point, ANYTHING could happen!! ;)"

I may be a Mess, but I'm a Brilliant F***ing Mess

The first step is acceptance. Check. I’m there. I’m a freaking mess. Okay, this really isn’t news to me. I may be a mess, but I’m a brilliant one with all the lustrousness and great talent that brilliant messes are. Hear is a little insight into the disorder that is uniquely me.

1. The battery in my fobber to unlock my car has been dead for like a year. I’m too damn lazy to change the thing so I use the key. Nevermind that the stupid alarm goes off every time I get into the car. Last winter when I rushed out to the car after work and was trying to jam the key into the ignition to stop the blasting horn when I slipped on the ice and wound up with my head stuck below steering wheel my feet half under the car and my dress up around my boobs with half the college hockey team that practice across the street watching me.p(Side note: still haven’t changed that battery.)

2. When the MSNBC was broadcasting live from my company’s parking lot during the Democratic National Convention and as one of the company’s PR people I was lucky enough to get to climb up on the double decker stage to check out the setting. Only my illustrious self could somehow manage to step too close to a sharp edge by the stairs, that was attracted to back of my pants and rip the entire ass out of my pants to show all of the VPs, CEO and half of the NBC crew my purple thong. Okay and my ass.

3. That time I woke up on the floor.

And finally… At 10:47 this morning I realized that my damn dress was on backwards when I looked down and could see the tag sticking up between my cleavage. Awesome.

What is your brilliance?

The things I love, The things I hate,

Hello my favorite elves and sugarplums! How I have missed you! I promise in the next few days and weeks I'll let you in on the craziness that has been my life. Ever feel like you are rooted up and dumped in a new spot? That's been me. After time and thoughts I'm coming to peace. I promise to share all. The good. The bad. The worst. The light. But today I feel like sharing a little of me in the now rather than what brought me to now. So here it is 3 things I'm hating and 3 things I'm loving.

3 Things I'm Hating
1. Those 40+ hairs that I accidentally fried off while round brushing my hair last month. Those mutinous bastards are sticking straight up any more on my forehead aka Something About Mary style. Yeah. That's just awesome.

2. I'm hating people who think only of themselves at Christmas. It was once my favorite holiday and honestly I carry around cash just to stuff in the red buckets of bell rings. The moment you make a difference in anyone's life means a lot to me and the fact that they will never know means the most. So to all those people who bitch about how Christmas time is to stressful, open your eyes. This isn't about you. Open your heart.

3. No snow. It's Christmas time in Colorado and down in the metro Denver area we've seen as little white as a Hilton sister wedding. Nilche. I miss the snow.

3 Things I Love Right Now
1. I'm loving this Barbie. Maybe it's a little Dexter meets Oxygen Networks Snapped, but way to take control Barbie! Check out the little poochie in the corner just staring at headless Ken.

2. The text I got from my girls today who recently moved to the Lonestar state. "Hey girl I miss ya!" That's the type of thing that makes me smile for a random instant in the day. Big mental hug to one of my besties. Hope she felt it.

3. And I'm a country girl no matter where I go in life so a little country music makes me happy. At this moment I'm smiling to a little Blake Shelton's Who Are You When I'm Not Looking on repeat.

What are you loving (or hating) right now?

27 may have a bite, but hey, I've got teeth too.

I’ve been absent. My blogging buddies as we all know absent bloggers often mean something big is happening in our lives or a few somethings big. In my case it is the later. Big, I mean BIG things are happening in my little corner of the world.

As all of you know I took turning 27 a little hard.  I was panicking with my “what the hell have I done with my life?” and my 20s are just seeping away like a bottle of tequila on margarita Monday in a sorority house. A strange thing happened when the actual birthday came. I was perfectly calm and unaffected.

I’m convinced it was due to my new plan to grapple with that bitch 27, and I’m not above pulling hair or eye gauging in this case. After the initial calm 27 poked her catty head in the door, snickered at me and with the wrathful indifference only she can have threw up all kinds of suckiness on my new comfy pillow top couch and my life. Hello bad news and angry feeling. Make yourself at home. So yeah, round 1 went to 27.    

But despite the crap she brought in her wake I'm coming out the winner. 27 is going down. I've come up screaming, gasping for air and fists swinging. One month in and volatile 27 is vacuuming up my living room and tipping her head to me. And maybe we will one day be friends. Maybe. 

I’m taking that step I whined so much while tucking my head in between my knees because 26 was panicking about coming to an end. 27 seems to be respecting that as she snidely remarks "It's about damn time. That cowering whiner isn't you." I'm taking all the crap 27 brought in on her arrival in stride and stomping the hell out of it when it peeks at me in a manner other than meekly. And in the mists of all of this there was that step I'm taking that will make an exciting change for the better. The BIG change for the good that is exciting, slightly nerve racking because of the constant talk of economic issues, but exciting none the less. 

What BIG thing are you making happen?

The time I woke up on the floor

Let me preface this post by saying that, surprisingly enough, this incident wasn’t caused by alcohol. Oh there was alcohol in my system, but that was decidedly not the culprit that led me to wake up on the floor.

Last night I decided I seriously needed to relax, especially since my back muscles were still incredibly sore from my lovely episode with the masochistic masseur. I’m a big fan of Absorbine. I use it all the time when boarding for days in a row to keep my muscles from knotting up and cutting short my next day shredding the mountain. (BTW – It’s a topical anesthetic that relieve sore muscles) And of course I don’t use the Absorbine Jr. you can find in the pharmacy. Nope that stuffs for wimps. If you’re going to use it you might as well get the full strength stuff that they sell at the feed store and use on horses. I swear it’s perfectly safe.

In happy anticipation of relieving my battered muscles I dumped a good cup of Absorbine into the bathtub, filled it up and settled in for a good soak with a glass of wine and a book. For good measure I squirted some on my back too to give my muscle relief plan a little jump start. After pruning myself for about an hour I was feeling nice are relaxed. Yes, my night was looking pretty good.

I hopped out, toweled off, wrapped my hair in the towel and headed into the bedroom where Oz was laying on the floor. I bent over to give his belly a quick rub and when I stood back up again my vision went wonky sort of like tunnel vision, but more like I was falling into a deep hole. Oh wait, I was falling. Next thing I know my ass is waking up on the floor and I realized holy crap! I’d just fainted!

I’ve never in my life fainted. I always thought it was some ridiculous thing people with weak constitutions did and I’m made of sterner stuff than that. Apparently not. My next thought was damn that hurt! Anything you’ve seen in the movies is a lie. When you faint you don’t gracefully crumble to the ground. You crash land with a thud and how that does instantly snap someone back to reality again I don’t know. That’s all it took for me to become coherent real quick.

And yes, my nice little Absorbine soak was at fault for my sudden inability to stay vertical. Part of why it works is because it relaxes your capillaries allowing blood to flow more freely. After bending over a standing up really quickly about 6 times in less than a minute all the blood must have been rushing in and out of my head. Oops! At least my back feels awesome today. ;)

Hump Day - Get Over It

I'm completely addicted to massages. If I could get them on a regular basis I would. One of the things I loved about The Man when we got together was that he was constantly offering to give me massages. It was wonderful though now I've made him acknowledge that it was blatant false advertising since that didn't last very long past the initial trying to get in my pants phase. Anyways, I found an awesome deal on Groupon for a new place that opened up by my house and since I'm a sucker for their deals I bought one. I went into the place toting my little Groupon deal and psyched beyond belief. Big mistake!! Apparently my masseur was over giving all these damn massages by that point because it was the absolute work massage of my life. A four-year-old wacking me with a rolling pin and a wooden spoon would have felt better. The worst part - that ass actually gave me bruises on my back! I have olive skin and I don't bruise easy so here's a tip to that masseur - find a new line of work cause you suck! Here's to getting over it.

Your Touch - The Black Keys

Sitting with My Head in a Paper Bag

So I’m sitting here thinking about what is coming up on Friday and I’m panicking. Literally, I’m getting nervous, short of breath. Hell, I’m going to start sweating and may need to put my head between my knees and scream until my lungs are empty. I’m panicking. I have 4 more days before I reach the big 2-7.

Okay, I know 27 isn’t typically one of those age numbers that people get worked up about, but for me it’s began to fill like this giant drop off point and there’s a big orange and white blockade with one of those incredibly bright orange rotating lights that is trying to warn me of something. Oh, that’s right. It’s warning me that my 20s are seeping away. It’s warning me that I’ve been out of college for 5 years (where the hell did that time go?) and I haven’t been to even half the places I was so eager to go and I’m standing here staring at a computer screen wondering what the hell I’m doing.

I always figured 26 would be the one that hit me in the gut. The one that said that I’m officially closer to 30 then to 21. The one that says I can’t just act like a dumb ass or screw up monumentally if I feel like it, because I’m an adult. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been fiscally responsible for myself since I was 18. Nope. Still didn’t feel like an adult then, just a teenage with a lot of life pressure and bills.

To squelch my panic-ridden-aging-self, I’m taking another step. In truth, 26 has been filled with lots of steps from giving the idea of having a life plan my middle finger to embracing my new desire to do something good for others and not only myself. But this one is a big one. I’m making my dreams and wants a priority. No more focusing on the what I should be doing. Should is over rated anyway.

I’m not selfish; I’m just living my life for me, for the enjoyment, pleasure and fulfillment of me. I’m embracing that mantra. I’m going to tattoo it on my forehead so that when I wake up every morning it’s in my face saying “Hey. Remember me? What you said you’re going to do with your life?” I’m stopping just being and getting back to living. Maybe I'll make a bucket list for my 20s. Who said it had to be for when you die?

What is your priority?

Hump Day - Get Over It

I'm having one of those days. The one where you feel like yanking at the roots of you hair - not to pull it out cause then you'd be bald, but merely to give it a good stretch praying it will relieve some of this tension you feel. At the very least it should at least pull the skin on my forehead a little tighter like a natural botox treatment getting rid of these two little lines that are becoming permanently embedded between my eyebrows. And I know the two instigators are causing those lines: one- the man, two - the j-o-b. So for today's Hump Day we are going to relieve some of that tension.

Dear Dryer. I hate you.

Let me begin by saying I’m not the kind of person who automatically resorts to blaming others for my shortcomings. However, since this obviously isn’t my shortcoming, but a morbid plot that my laundering machinery has hatched out, I feel the need to call that bitch out.

Let me assure you that it hasn’t started all at once. She’s been sneaky about it. She started by shrinking one article then another. It was all done so casually that I even began to blame the man for a short amount of time. After all, he’s a guy’s guy and those types are notorious for being less then efficient in any domestic matters. I probably owe him an apology since it wasn’t him who shrunk two of my favorite sun dresses so it now looks like I’m purposely trying to show the world what color my thong is. Natural to think he may have had something to do with that.

However, now that overgrown piece of soon to be scrap metal is being just plain unforgiving. I went to put on my favorite pair of jean shorts last weekend, you know the kind all worn and comfy and glorious in the summertime, and she’d done it again. The damn things wouldn’t button!

I was forgiving when she shrunk my capris to the point that they now cut off the circulation to my legs. I may walk like I’m on stilts because I can’t bend my knees in my only pair of expensive rock republic jeans, but I didn’t hold it against her.

I checked in with every girls arch nemesis, the dreaded scale. And no, he’s not out to get me. He happily told me I’ve only put on two measly pounds this summer, most likely from all that South American vacation food. I’m very doubtful that all two pounds somehow managed to migrate directly to my ass.

Which leaves me with one conclusion, that harmless looking lint pot has it out for me.  With this last assault she has gone too far. I hate her. I’m calling her out. This. Means. War.

Who would you like to send hate mail too?

Duck Tape Prom Dresses?

Have you ever seen something so creative it makes you stop and stare for a minute? Literally, you stare at it for a whole minute. That’s what I just happened to me. I was baffled. The creativity and talent some people have truly amazes me!

I read about the Duck Tapes Stuck at Prom Scholarship Content today and was completely envious of some serious talent these people have. That and I was baffled that apparently this has been going on for 10 years and I’d never heard of it before. Seriously though, I can’t even wrap a bowl in saran wrap without it looking like serious mess let alone make something wearable out of duct tape. The crazy part (yes, aside from the fact that it is tape) is that you can’t even tell this is tape!

It's a Monday - My brain isn't working & I'm digging random crap day!

I'm obsessed with random crap. Random facts, talents, urges, thoughts, misadventures, whatever. And no, not the dirty kind of urges all you pervs who's head instantly sank to the gutter and is probably still bobbing along in there, but the odd kind like that sudden urge you have to stick gum in someone's ear because it is a hole and you suddenly have the random urge to plug that hole. Or maybe you feel the need to suddenly visit every town in the U.S. with a sexually innuendo in it's name. Whatever that randomness may be I love it. Love to hear about it, Love to share it.

My randomness today is filled with a few things. First, I decided to hop onto the Mingle Monday at Life of Meg this morning and check out some new random blogs that I would never of found otherwise.

Second, I came across this sweet ad (go figure I'm in marketing) promoting the Bloody Mary Tudor exhit at the London Dungeon. This is truly amazing and would definitely catch my attention! And apparently I'm not the only one. It's now been banned in train stations and tubes where it ran because of complaints form parents who's children crapped their pants upon seeing it. Literally! Now that is a good ad.



Third on my random plate today are these fun suitcase stickers from TheCheeky.com. Yes, they may cause a few odd looks from people as you wheel your suitcase through the airport and you may have to do some explaining in the security line, but you'd never pick up the wrong bag or have some random guy fondle your bag ever again.

   

What is your randomness today?

Blame it on the Booze. Blame it on Jenny.

I realized the other day that it has been way, and I mean WAY too long since I've gotten together with some of my best girlies from college. I was telling the man how it was time for me to have a random girls weekend. We all live only a few hours apart, so we try to get together and hang, drink beers, make snarky comments at anyone in the vicinity – in essence be our fabulous selves - every few months. Unfortunately March was our last go round. The man’s comments to my spur of the moment idea? “Sure, but don't get thrown out of a bar this time.”

Damn! I swear he never forgets anything. That instantly got me thinking about the last time we were together and how I managed to get my happy ass bounce out of a bar for the second time in my life. Now I feel the need to share. Settle in. It's not a short story, but it's definitely worth it.

The last time the girls all came into town we were going out and getting shitty in true college throw back style which meant a hotel room would become mandatory. (Remember kids, never drink and drive.) After bouncing around to several bars we finally ended up hitting a very cliche clubby style place complete with $8 beers, posers getting bottle service to get girls to talk to them, and a 22-year-old wavering between puking in the toilet and passing out with her face on the seat. This is not my kind of scene at all being a sports bar, live music scene or hidden dive bar kind of girl myself, however some of the others live in the W-Y-O so clubs are a rarity to be explored whenever possible.

Before arriving the night had been fairly tame. We were tipping back drinks, throwing back the occasional shot and laughing about everything out of the other's mouth. Nothing too excessive. I should have known we were in for trouble when Jen sauntered up to one of the poser's with bottle service, grabbed the bottle and topped of all of our drinks with Grey Goose (thank god we were already drinking vodka or that could have gotten nasty.)

Sometime shortly after, and several top offs later, the dancing vibe took hold of us all. As we elbowed our way onto the overcrowded dance floor we somehow managed to get stuck along the side by the velvety roped off booths. I honestly can't remember how it happened, maybe it was just to crowded and Jen didn't realize that the rope was right behind her, but the next thing I know she's falling head first onto the privileged side and dragging me down with her. Apparently they weren't so thrilled to have us literally crashing their little party.

I was up and on my feet quick enough, but Jen definitely wasn't having somehow tangled herself up with the rope and poles that hold it. She did have some assistance though, unfortunately it was in the form of three pissed off bouncers who picked her up  -two at her legs and one with her arms - and began to drag her out of the club. Nothing pisses me off more then rude ass people. They could have asked us to leave or hell better yet turned her over so they weren't carrying her out face down to insure they didn't smack her face on the steps as they hauled her down the stairs and out the door (her face ended up being safe by the way). And since I don't know how to keep my mouth shut and if my friend's ass is getting physically tossed out it's likely I'll be right there mouthing off enough to get tossed too. I'm nothing if not loyal.

But the assholeness didn't stop there. The jerk who'd decided to help me leave the premises didn't just set me down on the street. Nope he felt the need to set me in the middle of the sidewalk and proceed to chest bump me off the curb into the street. I'm 5'4" so having a 6' something guy do this seemed excessive and I wasn't having any of it. I hopped right back up on the curb informing him the sidewalk was public domain and he couldn't evicted me from it with his giant man boobs.

At this point a cop decided to intercede and find out what the issue was. I happily explained my argument and my concerns at the lack of the bouncer's knowledge of the zoning laws, which likely weren't his fault given my doubts that his IQ ever developed past that of a toddler. To my surprise the cop laughed, actually laughed, told the bouncer to desist in harassing me and kindly offered to hail us a cab.


Life Lessons Learned:
1) You can't man handle her, she's a girl! is not a valid argument with bouncers. (Sorry H. It was a good try.)
2) Yelling Put her down now and we can walk out douche bags! will get your ass picked up a hauled out right along with your friend.
3) I can apparently make intelligent legal arguments while bombed.
4) Some cops do have a sense of humor at 1 a.m.

Relationships. Forget the a la carte menu. Go for all inclusive.

2010 has been a seriously interesting year so far. For several of my friends it has been filled with some major life changes and undoubtedly when you’re in one of those moments you get to see the good, the great and the downright eFFed up relationships that you have.

A guy who has repeatedly begged my friend to move clear across the country with him acts surprised when she is hesitant when he can’t even text, yet alone call her, on V-day, her birthday or even within the same 24 hours when she has called him. (douche alert.)

I call bullshit.

A guy friend who asks his girlfriend to move in with him and after she does rips his ass in front of his friends and always takes off for days at a time over every little fight. They she has the nerve to act surprised when he asks her to move out. (Seriously? WTF did she expect to happen?)

I call bullshit.

A girl friend at long last after lots of trying, fertility drugs, one miscarriage, several rounds of AI action and buckets of tears was finally pregnant. At a time in the pregnancy when the baby’s health was in serious question and doctors were preparing her for the possibility of aborting the pregnancy pending some test results her sister-in-law decides to announce that she is pregnant. Oh it gets better, the in-law is only 5 weeks along (hello, you don’t tell people that early) and, get this, doesn’t want my friend to tell her husband cause the in-law wants to tell him on his birthday! (Did she really think he would be thrilled to hear that when they may have to abort his own baby?)

BULLSHIT!

Relationships, whether it is family, friends, hell even business, are a two way street driven by communication and respect. No one should just expect someone else to do something for them just because that is what they want. We have to earn it!

You can’t just pick when it is convenient for you to be part of that relationship and forget all about the other person any other time. A relationship is an intricate dance of give and take. It’s never ending. If you want to be part of it strap on the ballet shoes and bring an extra pair for them.

The beauty of the best relationships are the unexpected little perks that you will get out of them. The friend you’ve spent months listening to vent all their frustrations suddenly stops talking a gives you a big hug because they instinctively know that everything isn’t alright in your world and they’re going to be there for you to cry to, vent to or just lean on. The love of your life who buys 3 avocadoes at the grocery store when it only takes 2 to make guacamole just because he knows you will want one to eat with garlic salt because you do the same for him all the time.

The people who don’t return the sentiments, don’t return the respect, are the ones that you end up being better off without. I’ve spent 5 years weeding out the relationships that haven’t been mutually gratifying to me and invested myself in cultivating the ones that have. As such I’m a happier person.

I do my best to never treat anyone like they are the mustard. You should never be anyone’s condiment. Be the entire entrée with a little dessert thrown in on the side.

Image: healingdream / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hello Liam. Welcome.

Today was a weird day for me. I'm not, repeat NOT, a kid person and even less of a baby person. Honestly I believe that humans and birdies have the ugliest offspring. We are not attractive in our first few hours and months of our lives. I'm the last person who will ever ask to hold a baby. I don't get why people get so excited and want to cuddle them, make stupid cooey noises and faces at them and tell people that they are the cutest baby ever.

Yep that's me. I'm a bit of a baby hater. My tolerance and mild interest in children begin when they are like 2 or 3 and they have a personality. Then I like to teach them to do things like drop ice cubes down their mother's cleavage or pick coins out of fountains (okay, maybe that is only with my sister's kids. Other people get really pissed off if you do that). At this stage their kind of funny and their view on everything in life is very amusing.

But the odd thing is, I was incredibly excited to hear about Liam making his grand debut this morning. One of my closest friends, Des, is the proud new mother. I'm incredibly excited for her. I was moved by the story she told me of how he made it into the world, how it felt to her, and how the last several hours have been since. I was warmed to the depths of my little baby indifferent heart.

And (gasp!) I find myself excited to say hello to the little guy. Maybe it's because I've been here to hear about everything from his first kicks to all the disgusting things that your body does. Maybe it's because we've been such close friends. Who knows. All I can say is that I'm truly happy for them - not the kind where you say you are happy and wish congrats - but the kind that makes your face tingly and you can't help but smiling.

Welcome to the world little guy!

A Gypsy at Heart

It's true. I have a gypsy's heart. I get the itch. I can't sit still. I can feel an antsiness in my blood. It's all I can do not to pack myself a light bag, grab a case of rockstars and all my favorite CDs, and take off in the car. I don't even really care where I'm going. I wouldn't make a plan of what to do. I'd just know it when I get there.

I've never been very good a staying in one spot. Maybe it comes from living in so many different places growing up or having a revolving door on the houses that brought so many different kind of people into my life. I like newness and change.

We are all wanderers on this earth. Our hearts are full of wonder, and our souls are deep with dreams. 

During the college years I would pick off and take off for days at a time whenever I got the urge. I miss those kind of days. I really miss being able to pick everything up and take off at a moments notice. Sometimes the restrictions of having a steady job, car payments and student loans seem more stifling then rewarding.

I'll be honest. One of the reasons I may be so itchy right now is because my birthday is barely a month away. It's been another year and I tend to become unsure if I'm doing enough with my life. I get that feeling that I'm not living it enough. Then again what is enough?

I often wonder if I'll ever be content and relaxed in the place I am. Will I ever free comfortable and at home with where I am, or am I destined to always feel this itch a couple time a year and yearn to uproot myself and find something new?

Is there any substance that that elusive feeling of home?

The Boobie Jingle

I’ve talked about my job before, but in case you are new here’s a little background: I’m an Account Manager for an internet marketing company. One of our client niche areas is plastic surgery, so I’m constantly cruising through plastic surgery sites all day long.  So yes, I know a ridiculous amount about plastic surgery now. So when I finally get the girls done (It’s going to happen even if it isn’t till after I have kids and make The Man pay to put my body back in the shape it’s supposed to be in. If by some random chance I do have kids that is.) I’m going to know exactly what to look for and what I want.

Anyways, part of my day is spent checking out my client’s competitors to figure out what they are doing and how we can virtually kick their asses. So today I stumbled across something that cracked me up. One of my client’s is in Phily and that, my friends, is where I found what I’m now fondly calling The Boobie Jingle. You can listen to it here.

This is terrible marketing! Whoever came up with this needs to be smacked - repeatedly.

Seriously ladies, does this make any of you want to visit this surgeon?

My Hump Day Pick Me Ups

It's hump day again. Wednesdays for me are always a beotch, and I can always use a little something something to help me get through without napping under my desk or jabbing my eyes out with a pencil.So I figure this week I'd share what's getting me through. Cut to me bouncing in my office chair and yes, I may even bust out a quick air guitar. Aw hump day - here's to getting over it!

(The Spill Canvas - Our Song)

And these are a few of my tried and true make me feel all fuzzy and happy songs:

Modest Mouse - Float On

Snow Patrol - Hands Open
The Barenaked Ladies - The Old Apartment

Racking Up Life's Brownie Points

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.” - Anthony Robbins

In the last several months I've hit this weird stride where I'm being more consiencious of what I'm doing. I'm being all charitable and racking up a few brownie points with life. Knowing me I'm going to need them one day, likely sooner then later. I'm convinced that all those odd random little things that have happened to me are becuase I deserved it in some way. Okay, I know that sounds a lot like Karma, but I'm convinced Karma is only for the really big stuff that you do. Like say you sideswipe an old lady hobbling along with your car or you sleep with every boyfriend your college roommate has had since you started living together. (I know someone who did that second one and I'm convinced that is why all her boyfriend cheat on her now.)  That's when Karma kicks in and bites you in the ass.

The rest is all just lifes little brownie points. You've got so much of them and when you run out those things like someone side swiping your car, breaking a heel, or falling off the curb and spraining your ankle happen. It's the universes way of saying "Hey, asshole. Time to make a contribution for the greater good." Well universe, I got the message. So now I'm working on racking up some of life's little brownie points.

I've mentioned before my recent decision to put in some charity hours at PPRM, but I'm doing more then that. Don't get me wrong, that's the only big thing. I'm not quite willing to give up too much of my time and that's not how you get life's brownie points anyway - remember it has to be little things.

So first I decided to start donating a little money when I got those little please donate to this cause things in the mail. The only ask for $10 so what can that hurt? Beware. I'm convinced that all charities share a database and they flag you when you do this. Not only will you receive tons of requests from them, but then everyone is all over you for money. I killed that idea pretty quick and kept working on my other brownie point gathering tactics that are much easier like letting someone infront of me in traffic and not hitting every free sample stand at Costco on Saturdays 4-8 times and callilng it lunch.

Yesterday I did something big! I'm talking 20 point worth at least. I found a credit card in the parking lot at Target and instead of just leaving it there where anyone could steal it and use it, I took it inside and asked the customer service people to page the lady who's name it was on the card. When no one showed up I made the guy cut it up for me. (Your welcome Agnes something or other.) And you know what? It actually felt pretty damn good. I got the warm and tingles for about 10 minutes. So I guess even if I didn't earn all 20 brownie points, then that's okay.

What are you doing to rack up life's brownie points?

Tuesdays - WTF?

I saw this today, loved it and felt it was a must share cause this is how my week is feeling.

You ever have one of those weeks when everything makes you want to scream and punch coworkers, the guy that was riding his brakes all damn morning and eventually random old ladies on the street for walking slow and smiling at you? (I promise that isn't an everyday occurrence, but more of a random feeling today, and yesterday, and maybe tomorrow.)  Well, that's my week so far. It's one of those that sends me home on a Monday to veg on a coach and watch Leverage on the DVR with 2 giant pint size glasses of homemade Sangria because a wine glass just wasn't going to be big enough.  And it's only Tuesday. 

Makes me seriously wonder where this week is going to end up. But wait, Friday is a half-day of work and Monday is off thanks to the independence of America. God bless the USA, bottle rockets, hot dogs, apple pie, beer koozies, and most importantly our soldiers. Without you I'd be working on Monday and speaking in a funny British accent that would most likely resemble a combo of Kiera Knightley and Charlie Hunnam's real accents (it wouldn't sound to pretty). 

So that brings us to next Tuesday and wondering: WTF will it bring? 

The Misadventures of Lake Powell 2010

So my most recent adventure to Lake Powell was a combination of hilarity, dreams of mice, sunscreen, water floaties and banana hammocks saturated in booze and tossed onto a houseboat that by day two reeked of septic backup. Here are a few highlights:

While some people fly pirate flags, our crew in true Nebraskan fashion flew a Husker flag. That’s right a great big ass red flag with a white N. There was no question where most on this boat hailed from.  And if that wasn’t enough to proclaim where the patrons of that boat belonged then the giant “N” that we was resurrected at our first docking spot definitely was.

And just when I thought I was finally too old to get obscenely drunk and pass out in an odd spot I do, but at least I can blame it on The Man.  Pomegranate Pearl Vodka and a little Sprite Zero go down way to easy! Four ridiculously strong drinks later and a realization that I’ve become a pansy since leaving college, I took a look at the bottle and suddenly felt myself hit a wall. My drunk sea legs weren’t going to cut it anymore.  I was done. Out for the count. So what do I do? I crawl up underneath the 8 plus inflated floaties in one of the staterooms and proceed to take one the of best siestas of my life. Only to wake up with a fairly significant buzz hours later. That’s right. I can’t hang like I used to.

Also, there is nothing quite like resurrecting a game of truth or dare. Thanks to that I’ve seen a drunk guy sing I’m a little teapot while twirling around on a cooler, friends play bucking bull and try to dump each other into the dirt, and just about everyone in a banana hammock (yes, some of the girls too).

Did you know that mice (and apparently other disgusting creatures) will crawl up the lines at night while the boat is docked? All it took was one mention of this and I was dreaming of little mice crawling across my bed every night. While it never happened, the mere thought was enough to have me kicking out randomly at least 20 times per night. Tip: bring something to put on the ropes to fend off the little creepy, disease-ridden rodents.

Oh and one last antidote. When packing of course I remembered all the essentials like sunscreen, bug spray, water floaties and several cases of beer, but who would have ever thought to pack mass amounts of Febreeze? Well, I’m telling you that is another must have with 10 people all using the same crapper, and one in particular dropping 4-6 loads a day. The smell is builds up quick and at a whopping 10 miles an hour cruising speed you can’t generate enough wind flow to carry away the smell.

All in all, it was a hell of a time. What was your favorite random vacation with friends?