4 Days in....

I got the best email from my close friend, lady Jen, who some of you may remember from the Booze Bouncing story. She's saying goodbye to the cold and lonely life of Wyoming for a Key West. I'm so jealous excited for her (okay and for my new vaca spot).  Four days into their moving process I got the following recap so far, laughed so hard I choked a bit and decided I had to share...

"We've made it as far as Austin, Tx. Here's a little recap for your pleasure...
Day 1: Cleaned house and struggled fitting everything into one vehicle, spent too much time with family, made it to Limon at 4 in the morning. 
Day 2: Amarillo, TX for A's attempt at the 72 oz steak at the Big Texan. 38.9 oz left. 
Day 3: 1 hour south of Amarillo and the car needs a new water pump and fan clutch. 9 hours later, on the road again. 1 hour after that, cat poops, lays in it, and jumps to the front seat, smacking his poop-covered tail in A's face. 
Day 4: (early morning) Exhausted, find the first motel we see. Woken by "man screams" 1 1/2 hours later as A hops around the room, ripping off his shirt. Cockroach. In his shirt. Turn the lights on: Cockroaches on the tv, nightstand, headboard, mattress, wall, bathroom. Leave motel on a cockroach high, make it to Austin. Pay the money for a NICE motel. Ahhhh. Spend the day sleeping and visiting with TT. 
Day 5: At this point, ANYTHING could happen!! ;)"

I may be a Mess, but I'm a Brilliant F***ing Mess

The first step is acceptance. Check. I’m there. I’m a freaking mess. Okay, this really isn’t news to me. I may be a mess, but I’m a brilliant one with all the lustrousness and great talent that brilliant messes are. Hear is a little insight into the disorder that is uniquely me.

1. The battery in my fobber to unlock my car has been dead for like a year. I’m too damn lazy to change the thing so I use the key. Nevermind that the stupid alarm goes off every time I get into the car. Last winter when I rushed out to the car after work and was trying to jam the key into the ignition to stop the blasting horn when I slipped on the ice and wound up with my head stuck below steering wheel my feet half under the car and my dress up around my boobs with half the college hockey team that practice across the street watching me.p(Side note: still haven’t changed that battery.)

2. When the MSNBC was broadcasting live from my company’s parking lot during the Democratic National Convention and as one of the company’s PR people I was lucky enough to get to climb up on the double decker stage to check out the setting. Only my illustrious self could somehow manage to step too close to a sharp edge by the stairs, that was attracted to back of my pants and rip the entire ass out of my pants to show all of the VPs, CEO and half of the NBC crew my purple thong. Okay and my ass.

3. That time I woke up on the floor.

And finally… At 10:47 this morning I realized that my damn dress was on backwards when I looked down and could see the tag sticking up between my cleavage. Awesome.

What is your brilliance?

The things I love, The things I hate,

Hello my favorite elves and sugarplums! How I have missed you! I promise in the next few days and weeks I'll let you in on the craziness that has been my life. Ever feel like you are rooted up and dumped in a new spot? That's been me. After time and thoughts I'm coming to peace. I promise to share all. The good. The bad. The worst. The light. But today I feel like sharing a little of me in the now rather than what brought me to now. So here it is 3 things I'm hating and 3 things I'm loving.

3 Things I'm Hating
1. Those 40+ hairs that I accidentally fried off while round brushing my hair last month. Those mutinous bastards are sticking straight up any more on my forehead aka Something About Mary style. Yeah. That's just awesome.

2. I'm hating people who think only of themselves at Christmas. It was once my favorite holiday and honestly I carry around cash just to stuff in the red buckets of bell rings. The moment you make a difference in anyone's life means a lot to me and the fact that they will never know means the most. So to all those people who bitch about how Christmas time is to stressful, open your eyes. This isn't about you. Open your heart.

3. No snow. It's Christmas time in Colorado and down in the metro Denver area we've seen as little white as a Hilton sister wedding. Nilche. I miss the snow.

3 Things I Love Right Now
1. I'm loving this Barbie. Maybe it's a little Dexter meets Oxygen Networks Snapped, but way to take control Barbie! Check out the little poochie in the corner just staring at headless Ken.

2. The text I got from my girls today who recently moved to the Lonestar state. "Hey girl I miss ya!" That's the type of thing that makes me smile for a random instant in the day. Big mental hug to one of my besties. Hope she felt it.

3. And I'm a country girl no matter where I go in life so a little country music makes me happy. At this moment I'm smiling to a little Blake Shelton's Who Are You When I'm Not Looking on repeat.

What are you loving (or hating) right now?

27 may have a bite, but hey, I've got teeth too.

I’ve been absent. My blogging buddies as we all know absent bloggers often mean something big is happening in our lives or a few somethings big. In my case it is the later. Big, I mean BIG things are happening in my little corner of the world.

As all of you know I took turning 27 a little hard.  I was panicking with my “what the hell have I done with my life?” and my 20s are just seeping away like a bottle of tequila on margarita Monday in a sorority house. A strange thing happened when the actual birthday came. I was perfectly calm and unaffected.

I’m convinced it was due to my new plan to grapple with that bitch 27, and I’m not above pulling hair or eye gauging in this case. After the initial calm 27 poked her catty head in the door, snickered at me and with the wrathful indifference only she can have threw up all kinds of suckiness on my new comfy pillow top couch and my life. Hello bad news and angry feeling. Make yourself at home. So yeah, round 1 went to 27.    

But despite the crap she brought in her wake I'm coming out the winner. 27 is going down. I've come up screaming, gasping for air and fists swinging. One month in and volatile 27 is vacuuming up my living room and tipping her head to me. And maybe we will one day be friends. Maybe. 

I’m taking that step I whined so much while tucking my head in between my knees because 26 was panicking about coming to an end. 27 seems to be respecting that as she snidely remarks "It's about damn time. That cowering whiner isn't you." I'm taking all the crap 27 brought in on her arrival in stride and stomping the hell out of it when it peeks at me in a manner other than meekly. And in the mists of all of this there was that step I'm taking that will make an exciting change for the better. The BIG change for the good that is exciting, slightly nerve racking because of the constant talk of economic issues, but exciting none the less. 

What BIG thing are you making happen?

The time I woke up on the floor

Let me preface this post by saying that, surprisingly enough, this incident wasn’t caused by alcohol. Oh there was alcohol in my system, but that was decidedly not the culprit that led me to wake up on the floor.

Last night I decided I seriously needed to relax, especially since my back muscles were still incredibly sore from my lovely episode with the masochistic masseur. I’m a big fan of Absorbine. I use it all the time when boarding for days in a row to keep my muscles from knotting up and cutting short my next day shredding the mountain. (BTW – It’s a topical anesthetic that relieve sore muscles) And of course I don’t use the Absorbine Jr. you can find in the pharmacy. Nope that stuffs for wimps. If you’re going to use it you might as well get the full strength stuff that they sell at the feed store and use on horses. I swear it’s perfectly safe.

In happy anticipation of relieving my battered muscles I dumped a good cup of Absorbine into the bathtub, filled it up and settled in for a good soak with a glass of wine and a book. For good measure I squirted some on my back too to give my muscle relief plan a little jump start. After pruning myself for about an hour I was feeling nice are relaxed. Yes, my night was looking pretty good.

I hopped out, toweled off, wrapped my hair in the towel and headed into the bedroom where Oz was laying on the floor. I bent over to give his belly a quick rub and when I stood back up again my vision went wonky sort of like tunnel vision, but more like I was falling into a deep hole. Oh wait, I was falling. Next thing I know my ass is waking up on the floor and I realized holy crap! I’d just fainted!

I’ve never in my life fainted. I always thought it was some ridiculous thing people with weak constitutions did and I’m made of sterner stuff than that. Apparently not. My next thought was damn that hurt! Anything you’ve seen in the movies is a lie. When you faint you don’t gracefully crumble to the ground. You crash land with a thud and how that does instantly snap someone back to reality again I don’t know. That’s all it took for me to become coherent real quick.

And yes, my nice little Absorbine soak was at fault for my sudden inability to stay vertical. Part of why it works is because it relaxes your capillaries allowing blood to flow more freely. After bending over a standing up really quickly about 6 times in less than a minute all the blood must have been rushing in and out of my head. Oops! At least my back feels awesome today. ;)

Hump Day - Get Over It

I'm completely addicted to massages. If I could get them on a regular basis I would. One of the things I loved about The Man when we got together was that he was constantly offering to give me massages. It was wonderful though now I've made him acknowledge that it was blatant false advertising since that didn't last very long past the initial trying to get in my pants phase. Anyways, I found an awesome deal on Groupon for a new place that opened up by my house and since I'm a sucker for their deals I bought one. I went into the place toting my little Groupon deal and psyched beyond belief. Big mistake!! Apparently my masseur was over giving all these damn massages by that point because it was the absolute work massage of my life. A four-year-old wacking me with a rolling pin and a wooden spoon would have felt better. The worst part - that ass actually gave me bruises on my back! I have olive skin and I don't bruise easy so here's a tip to that masseur - find a new line of work cause you suck! Here's to getting over it.

Your Touch - The Black Keys

Sitting with My Head in a Paper Bag

So I’m sitting here thinking about what is coming up on Friday and I’m panicking. Literally, I’m getting nervous, short of breath. Hell, I’m going to start sweating and may need to put my head between my knees and scream until my lungs are empty. I’m panicking. I have 4 more days before I reach the big 2-7.

Okay, I know 27 isn’t typically one of those age numbers that people get worked up about, but for me it’s began to fill like this giant drop off point and there’s a big orange and white blockade with one of those incredibly bright orange rotating lights that is trying to warn me of something. Oh, that’s right. It’s warning me that my 20s are seeping away. It’s warning me that I’ve been out of college for 5 years (where the hell did that time go?) and I haven’t been to even half the places I was so eager to go and I’m standing here staring at a computer screen wondering what the hell I’m doing.

I always figured 26 would be the one that hit me in the gut. The one that said that I’m officially closer to 30 then to 21. The one that says I can’t just act like a dumb ass or screw up monumentally if I feel like it, because I’m an adult. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been fiscally responsible for myself since I was 18. Nope. Still didn’t feel like an adult then, just a teenage with a lot of life pressure and bills.

To squelch my panic-ridden-aging-self, I’m taking another step. In truth, 26 has been filled with lots of steps from giving the idea of having a life plan my middle finger to embracing my new desire to do something good for others and not only myself. But this one is a big one. I’m making my dreams and wants a priority. No more focusing on the what I should be doing. Should is over rated anyway.

I’m not selfish; I’m just living my life for me, for the enjoyment, pleasure and fulfillment of me. I’m embracing that mantra. I’m going to tattoo it on my forehead so that when I wake up every morning it’s in my face saying “Hey. Remember me? What you said you’re going to do with your life?” I’m stopping just being and getting back to living. Maybe I'll make a bucket list for my 20s. Who said it had to be for when you die?

What is your priority?